trust in a meager form.

this whole week i haven't been setting my alarm clock. i've been attempting to trust God to wake me up when i need to wake up. it's been really hard: on monday i woke up at 7 (my usual time), but my head and heavy eyes right away returned to the pillow. i woke up almost an hour later, but still made it to work on time. God had provided the opportunity to wake up at the right time and i didn't take it. the last couple nights i've been waking up every couple hours afraid that i overslept. and yet i haven't at all. if anything i've had more time to get ready and spent with God in the mornings.

last night i was listening to this amazing sermon/seminar about how Elijah was being hunted by Jezebel. in the meantime i was wrestling with myself, wondering if i could trust God to wake me up in the morning...these stories aren't quite parallel. imagine God providing for Elijah while he's being chased by a wicked murderer, and i can't believe that he'll wake me up in time.

this has been my small lesson in trust. my head is spinning (maybe from my coffee SEVEN hours ago? seriously, in college i could drink caffeine at any time of the day and still fall asleep within an hour) and it's past midnight. i'm wrestling with myself wondering if God will wake me up if i don't get as much sleep as usual. but that's not really what i'm thinking...the truth is i'm not trusting God at all and i'm afraid i could oversleep tomorrow.



there was a recent incident where i began second-guessing if i'm good at my job, and whether certain individuals had no or little respect for me. thankfully, the aforementioned sermon and the wonderful book "Because He Loves Me" (which have both been prevelant in my life recently) preach the gospel and who our identity is found in. what a blessing that my identity isn't found in what others think or how well i perform or i feel terrible about myself. Jesus took that stuff. my identity is found in the one who took that from me so that i could be his.

but so much easier said than applied. this situation is what's currently swirling around in my head, and has been every spare second i've had today. i don't know what i'd do without the hope of Christ.