all for a doughnut

i've had a tired two weeks. today was no different. i came home and was determined to do nothing with the rest of my day. but then i wanted to make hot chocolate (with milk) and there wasn't enough milk. so i called and texted dad to see if he could pick some up, but he didn't respond and came home a little while later without having checked his phone.

so whatever, i can survive. but then i remembered that today is fasnacht day, and i decided i wanted a doughnut. so i so selflessy offered to run to the store to get milk and doughnuts. it was a planned extrememly quick trip with the hope of running into no one i know. and it was quick, even with having to decide which kind of organic cereal i wanted most.

i headed to the self-checkout line as is the custom for me. you should see me on that thing, i am a machine. i swipe my item and send it down the belt. swipe and send. swipe and send. pay and done.

of course there was a line. so i took to people-watching. the lady at the other self-checkout was talking to a friend and then actually asked her to leave so that she could concentrate on what she was doing. she started talking to herself, "where's the barcode?" she picked up her box of cheerios and looked on every single side of it until she found it. she swiped it and sent it down the belt, only it wasn't accepted. it took her a bit to realize it hadn't been as she tried to swipe her gallon of water only to have the machine beep at her. once she figured it out she picked up the cheerios, swiped them, and read the screen out loud. "send it down the belt. it has to be in its own timing." she only had a couple things in her cart but i was thankful i wasn't behind her because of how long she was taking.

i admit it was hysterical to watch someone have so much trouble and to be talking out loud to the machine. but at the same time i was impatient to get my doughnuts and go to town on them like the fat girl that lives inside of me. really i wasn't on a time restraint at all, i was just annoyed. and she wasn't even in front of me!

that's when i remembered that i should be considering others as better than myself. God loves that lady even though she can't work the self-checkout (big deal, right). and yet my tapping foot was in no way loving or Christ-like.

i pray that God's love will consume me to the point where i don't have to realize my selfishness all the time and will be able to love others more than i love myself.

maturation of speaking abilities.

if you've watched the video on my sidebar (i'm not telling you to, in fact, i'd beg that you not watch it. but if you have watched it...), you'll notice how very awkward tessa and i are acting. really that's not how we interact with each other in real life. you should see the first couple videos we made. just kidding, you shouldn't. ever.

but today we made it through speaking for TEN MINUTES in front of maybe FIFTY PEOPLE without being so awkward! (phew!) i didn't say um after every word. we knew what to do with our eyes while the other person was speaking. sure we messed up a couple words here and there, but no big deal (NBD), right? they even interacted by nodding their heads when I said, "if you've ever heard of John Huss"...! i think i've finally moved past my terrible high school oral speech abilities (i groan just at the thought).

what a blessing Lancaster Grace has been to us. first they open a fund for our trip, and then they don't judge us on our speaking abilities. in fact, they rather welcomed us in. i hope that the kindness of others continues to be a theme in our trip.

folder of happiness.

[i just googled "how long do we hold memories?" the first line of the first site said, "You seemingly simple question leads us into an intricate maze of neurons...."

And i was lost at "neurons." i moved onto an article by "How Stuff Works." much more my speed.]

i used to have a box of happiness, but Maggie chewed it up when she was a puppy because i so ignorantly left it under my bed.

and just what would a box of happiness contain? you may ask (though probably weren't). in periods of sadness, i always enjoy peeking inside the box to see tangible ways in which i have been shown love. notes, gifts, pictures.

when maggie chewed it up, i just kind of threw my things into another box only to be forgotten about. now going through it i don't remember why everything is in there, or what some items or notes are, or even who they're from in some instances. still, at the time, i'm sure it brought me great happiness.

a couple years ago i started a folder of happiness after an extremely rough, disappointing, not-what-i-had-expected semester/year of college. i'm still adding to it. it's extremely full.

but writing things down in general tends to help me remember happy memories - any memories. there's no straight-up answer to the question i threw at google (answer the dang question, google!), but generally repitition helps move thoughts into long-term memory. repitition helps move thoughts into long-term memory. repitition helps move thoughts into long-term memory. (ok, enough)

and so, onto happiness, and the hope that sharing my happy thoughts with the blogging world will help me remember when i'm feeling what i'm sure will be over-dramatic sadness.

i have a favorite student. i know you shouldn't have favorites, but i have one, and she is loud and annoying and just so lovable! i shall call her Fave.

she sits in the back corner of the classroom and because she's an oral processor, has times of "confession" to herself that the rest of the classroom can hear because she is just always loud. it's stuff like "oh yeah, i shouldn't have that," and when questioned about what she shouldn't have, generally silly bands or something of the like are disposed of.

Fave and i have recently been forming a bond. we played candy land the other day at break and every time i turned around she took a turn, or several turns, when it was clearly not hers to take. really she's quite cunning. i love that she's so...well, BA.

and recently Fave has been confessing things specifically to me, and she's even been whispering because she knows i can't stand when she talks so loudly when she's standing right next to me. at the end of the day she came over to my seat and said, in her whispered whiny voice, "shoot, there's a [*self-induced] hole in my shirt."

*she did not say [self-induced], though it was implied by when i saw they cut-up hole in the middle of her shirt.

oh, Fave, i said. you ruined another one of your shirts.

Fave has done this before. that's why she's my fave.