Last week was one of the most difficult I've had. I struggled with discouragement, disagreement, disrespect, and in all likelihood, some kind of spiritual oppression. I didn't want to be there from the beginning, and I wasn't prepared in any way to serve.
It was a week with orphan kids. Some of their stories and faces broke my heart: I may end up coming home with 5 kids :) As young as some of them are (even the 7 year-olds), some of them are already speaking some of the most vulgar language and showing the most utter disrespect that you can imagine. They have made themselves unlovable, mocking you to your face, spewing out curses and hatred. (Though that's definitely not true of all of them! Some of them were very easy to love)
When I've heard the phrase, "loving the unlovable," I always imagined those of the lower caste systems who were looked down upon, or those sick with some terrible disease. I didn't picture the face of a teenager who kept pushing away, never allowing love in.
And my response was not godly. I answered their anger with mine. I ignored them, too frustrated to try. And yet at any sign of vulnerability or happiness, I was consumed with joy. They're finally letting us in!
But I am those children; I am unlovable. I curse in God's face, I ignore him, I don't appreciate all that He's done for me. Thankfully, He doesn't respond the way I did. He keeps pursuing, He keeps loving. And I'm sure that when I show those signs of vulnerability, He is filled with joy.
Pray with me for my heart, for their hearts, to be purged of "unlovableness" and filled with Perfect Love.
1 comment:
Andrea- What a great connection!
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