the one where oliver twist serves as a metaphor

sometimes i just don't want to write on here at all, but today was that kind of tipping-point day where i finally reached the point where a blog post is close to necessary!

the title doesn't imply what this entry is about. here come the groans, eye rolls, yawns: this is about my attitude toward raising support.

 make no mistake, i still very much dislike asking for support. a friend's mom wrote me a sweet note, and it helped me word and clarify some of my feelings.

if nothing else, support-raising is humbling. crazy humbling.

it's like that scence from oliver twist where he, a skinny orphan, goes up to the worker who's serving them with an empty bowl and says, "please sir, i want some more."

the worker, in the scene, responds with a loud shriek: "MOOOORE!?!" it's unnatural, rude, even, that this boy dare ask for more than was given him.

and maybe this is my view on the matter. how rude and irresponsible of me to ask others to essentially pay my salary for a year while i get to go on the big adventure...to pay for my food, my transportation, my SCHOOL LOANS! (let it be known that at first i thought it might be irresponsible to me to ask for others to help pay for my student loans. but, this is what God's called me to do right now, and i have no choice but to live on what others give me. it's irresponsible of me to try to get out of what God's doing!)

but the reality is, God's calling me to Czech right now. it's worked out, it's happening. when i give to others, i do it joyfully. why do i think others won't give joyfully to me? why do i think God's body doesn't want to help support what God's called me to do? why do i think that God's people don't want to be involved with how God's changing Czech?

support-raising is humbling, but in my humility i'm honoring God and allowing his people to serve me and him and to glorify God.

support-raising is overwhelming. this morning i sat down and cried realizing that maybe tessa and i are really going to have to pinch some pennies this year. and then this afternoon i was overwhelmed and humbled in a different way when a friend told me she was going to forgo favors at her wedding in order to help support me.

every time a negative feeling about finances floods me, God faithfully overwhelms me with his goodness.

 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:30-34