i go to church now.

yes, i said it. i go to church now, and i happily go to church now. i CHOOSE to go to church now!
this is the beautiful building where the people of newtown reformed church meet. an old professor from pbu (mike dittman) is the pastor there, and since the first day i walked in there in october, i felt like i belonged.
see, i hate churches. for the most part. since i've been at pbu i've visited many churches and been satisfied with none. i do understand that all churches have flaws - they're filled with sinful people! it is my own fault that i have focused on the flaws of the church. i spoke about this with a friend last semester (because we both attended bedside baptist more than anywhere else) and we both wished that we would have settled on a church freshman year and poured ourselves into them. instead i chose to pinpoint the parts of churches that i didn't like. i wish i could take it back.
but God has been gracious, and He has placed me into the midst of a changing church. however, i wouldn't even have gone had a close friend not challenged me to get back into a church. he reminded me that all churches have flaws, and told me that God could use me to revolutionize the church or He could use someone else.
so i walked into the newtown church with the mindset that i wouldn't allow myself to be a wallflower. that's too easy. i have become involved with forming a youth group, and i am getting to know so many people in depth. they are interested in my heart.
i see how God has answered my prayers - i have wanted to be mentored and be a mentor for a long time. i'm able to work with my favorite age group (middle school) and be a role model for those girls as they pass through possibly their worst stage of life. the ladies at the church (especially pam) have been getting to know me better and begin praying for and with me. i find that the church has become my sense of community, almost a home. this is where i'm called to be right now.
the sad thing is that i know i won't be able to be here forever. as i was talking to pam the other day, i was telling her about my fear of becoming stagnant when i move home. home is such a comfortable place, and it's so easy for me to fall back into old habits. when i go to the college group at lcbc, i'm afraid i could stay in the background and not use what i've learned the past 4 years. i cannot be passive, that is not what God has called us to do. I want to be a revolutionary for His name.