pardubice.

hmm. pardubice camp is done. i think it'll take a couple days for me to complete an entry, but here goes nothing.

pardubice was hard for me going into it because i have such a past there, and yet when my team visited, there was a big disconnect. but before camp, while at training, i talked to my friend David about it, and he in turn gave me no answer but to say that Pardubice has gone through big changes. he also talked to tomas about it, and there was a simple sort of answer: we were there during a big finals week, and a lot of people couldn't spend much time with us because they were studying. and it was encouraging to hear that david and tomas prayed about it.

so i went into the week without knowing many people on the pardubice side, but extremely excited regardless. we spent time getting to know each other, getting ready for camp, and then campers came. i did english testing, and when we were done, i just started feeling heavy and burdened. i realized that we were at english camp, and i felt unprepared in my english lessons, inadequate, and wondering what my purpose was in being there. i just started crying to myself, and kind of wondering what was going on with me. that night seems like a daze as i put students in classes which was so hard because they were all so advanced, and then had to lead the camp song in front of 50 people. i was exhausted, and then i had to lead a very awkward discussion group with new people who i didn't know, and i just began feeling extremely unsociable, yet annoyed at myself for not making an effort to make new relationships. but all i wanted to do was stay away from people, even the ones that i've known for 4 years.

bad start.

i can't even begin to explain my change. i shared my feelings with some of the american team, and a lot of us were feeling the same way. i don't know where my change of heart began, but i began praying a lot because of my feelings. the next day i had a really good English class - I was overprepared, the students had fun and were interested in the lesson. I was feeling more adequate. for some reason, the afternoon sports is where i feel like i really picked up in spirits. i was on a team with pretty much all czech guys and they loved my american enthusiasm and encouragement. maybe for the first time during camp i felt like i was capable of making and building relationships and that others really wanted to get to know me. i don't know what the change was, but it was exactly what i needed. the discussion group was also better as we were all more comfortable with each other, and i got to spend time talking to adam, a guy i've known for 2 years and who i really care about. he was in my class, and he's a philosophy major in college. we talked a lot about love and just life in general, and he asked me a couple questions about why i study the Bible when it's just a book. above is a picture of me with adam and his brother, dominik.

the next day we were supposed to go on a hike, but last minute it was cancelled because the youth hostel didn't pack us lunches. so i had no English class prepared, and no American helper. my mind completely went blank, and i actually left my students to go run around to other Americans and get ideas for English class. it was actually one of the best classes i taught - idioms and pronunciation. my feelings kept picking up, though they were off and on. afternoon games were also fun as i was able to hang out with some old friends. discussion groups were awesome again, and me, vitek, and vojta (guys from the youth group) each individually talked to small groups of students. i talked to adam again individually about love and why he can't believe in God, and i was able to share about how it's hard for me to love God when i'm loved so well by my family. i found myself really trusting in God a lot through these times. trusting God to give me words to say to encourage adam, and trust that vojta and vitek would be the same way in their discussions.

this is a picture of my class. from the left: Katka, Filip, Iva, Vojta, Anna, Vitek, me, Adam. in the background is the place where we stayed - we referred to it as the haunted mansion.

the day of the hike was also a good day as i was able to walk most of the way with Iva, a girl in my class, and it was fun just spending time outside of class hanging out and just talking. i was also able to spend time with helena, vera, and vitek, my long-time friends. i felt like i didn't have much time at camp for anything, so it was good to not be there. we actually were so close to poland that that's where we hiked. we went to the top of a mountain, and i think it may have been the easiest czech hike i've ever done. this is a picture of me and keith at the top, though you can't really see the background. i think i posted below a picture of me and olivier at the top of the mountain. olivier is an extremely cool french guy who went to camp last year with melissa and jerry and decided to come back. he loves meeting new people, and i really admire him...a french guy coming to czech to learn english. he was fluent in English and i was able to use my really broken French to embarrass myself nicely. i haven't taken french for four years, and i also found a way to mix it with what little czech i know.

following hike day, we got a new member added to our class. she was vojta's girlfriend's cousin, and she had spent a year studying as an exchange student in america. so anna, our new member, was an outgoing christian and an answer to prayer. she was so good for me especially during discussion groups because she let me know what was going on and was a really good leader. i know i already posted this picture, but anna is in the middle and her cousin zuzka is on the left. those girls are awesome. zuzka actually spent a year at donegal high school, but i never met her until last week.

the next couple days are kind of a blur. lots of ice cream, camp songs, and hanging out. i feel like i got to know a lot of people really well, but i also feel like the camp was mostly for me to grow, and that's what happened. i was so impressed with the pardubice youth group and how they all reached out and made efforts to get to know new people.

now we're at training and i'm feeling the same feelings of inadequacy. we're working with a team from san diego, and it's supposed to be our job to help build them up, but i feel like they're doing that for us instead. i'm feeling tired. but i am excited for this next camp, and i'm hoping that i'll rely on God more again.

here are things to pray for:

-me! i hate feeling like i'm not good enough to be here. this morning we sang the old human... "When Satan tempts me to despair And tells me of the guilt within, Upward I look and see Him there, Who made an end to all my sins. Because the sinless savior died, my sinful soul is counted free!" pray that i remember this, or i will suffer at camp

-pray that we can encourage the val mez youth group. this is the one that had no campers signed up, and now we have 14.

-pray for good connections with the san diego youth. they're a really cool group, but pray that we work as one team.

here are some last pictures:

this is me and bethany, who is also from lancaster, doing the camp theme song. i am sick of this song already. not a good sign since we still have 2 camps and 1 training to go!

this is helena (blonde) and vera and keith. keith and i stayed overnight at helena's house for our one day of follow up and had a blast hanging out with people outside of camp. we all had very little sleep, but lots of fun together!