confession

my times with God lately have been short. I haven't been spending time just listening, or delighting. I've only been asking and taking greedily without thanks.

Pray for me and my human, sinful heart.

guest post: robert santana

for the next couple weeks i get to share my apartment with some cool interns who are serving in czech for the summer by running 3 different terms of English camps. the first team arrived last week, and i enjoyed spending a few hours with them before i had to head back to prague. 

i shared with them about how God has led me here, and right away robert asked how he could help me. all of you readers know me, and you see my perspective on being here after having a 9-year long relationship with this country and some people. here's a sweet, fresh perspective on service, ministry, and life here.

this is robert's first time in europe, and what he thinks so far. thanks for your words and prayers, robert!



I first want to start off my name and background.  My name is Robert and I am 22 years old from southern California in the USA.  Currently, I am in my second week of my first mission trip out of the United States, and

Robert's picture (stolen from facebook!)

that is my first mission trip to the Czech Republic.  I have been experiencing so much and I will have much more to say in a second response.  

I will be staying the country for 2.5 months, but I have already met so many wonderful natives and missionaries.  Being able to see the constant need for the church and the call for workers has been a eye opener for me.  I had always assumed that there was no need in Europe, but my own assumption are incorrect.  I do want to note that these assumptions are from other Christians who have told me this, since I have only been a believer since I was 16.  So my history in the church is limited and I would note does not make me an expert on what I assume of the missional field.  

I have found it encouraging to see missionaries from part of the world.  I would even emphasis that these missionaries are young and willing to serve the call that God has been placing on their lives.  I am hoping to understand that call, but I truly do not understand at this moment.  Probably I am just an eyewitness to share with others back home.  Nevertheless, I just do not see missionaries trying to achieve their own goals, but they are consistent in wanting to raise native leaders.  The organization that I am currently with this summer is JosiahVenture and they have a unique way of evangelism, discipleship, and church training for the future youth of Europe.  Seeing one of my own team members being a native from the Czech Republic, has been a blessing for me.  She truly understands the culture much more than I do, yet she is thankful for JosiahVenture and the missionaries who have come throughout the years.

Now that is not to say that each year there are new set of missionaries.  I believe that having new missionaries each year is not really relational.  As a result of my own view of being relational in missions, I do want to let people know that missions is not an easy task.  It takes time, lots of time.  It takes building relationships.  It taking empathy, understanding and connection.  I do not know how this looks like since I am new to the missional field, but I have some idea since I am a Hispanic person that was called into faith at a Korean church.  Even after seven years, there is much that is needed to be seen on both parts.  Like me being a part of the local church I know I must tithe and be a part of my community.  Yet, for European culture that is somewhat different.  It is not known as much.  In fact, the church is needing much support from all angles.  Missionaries from need support.  A part of me wanted to help each individual, but I cannot.  I am limited and I am a college student who has much college debt to deal with.  

I do have much to say and here was a background of my thought process.  It is crazy huh?  I just want to share it much more deeper than that and my heart breaks for the fact there is a need.  If you know God is calling you for missions, go!!!  If you know God is calling you to support, support!!!  I have so much to learn and to process.  But above all I know I have much to pray for.  So please think twice, because I am realizing one thing here, missionaries and even natives thought more than twice about their decisions.  Heck they probably wrestled with God and still do.  Probably dealt with family, friends, jobs, finances, even their own lives.  It is amazing.  God's Kingdom is much bigger than we think.  Its much bigger than I can ever imagine.  I hope to respond once more after my first mission trip to just share my after thoughts.

-Thank you

grumpy morning prayer

my God, who gave me life today,

i want to do anything other than teach today. i know that there are other activities in the country that i would much rather be doing right now, and i am even putting off getting ready so that i don't have to scoot along to make conversation for 90 minutes and teach prepositions and what sports people like to play. please be a provider of grace and joy so i can make it through today, sharing with others a glimpse of the joy that is you in my heart. give me opportunities to share your grace with my students, and give me opportunites to love them amongst the grammar and my grumpiness.

My friend, Rachel wrote a blog post a couple weeks ago in which she was very vulnerable and open about different struggles she deals with and what's going on in her life. I was really thankful and refreshed even by how she didn't hide the crappy to appear as though she's got it all together.

Because let's be real. None of us have our lives together. Let me tell you some minor ways that Martha Stewart would consider me a failure:

I'm not rich enough to hire someone to make my bed for me, so my bed remains a mess every single day. In fact, the whole apartment remains a mess until one of us feels like cleaning. We have little dust bunnies in the corners that sometimes freak me out. We don't have a vacuum, so there's almost a layer of red hair in my bedroom carpet. actually, there's a layer of mess (clothes, books, tissues), and under that layer is a layer of red hair. 

I own almost nothing of my own in this apartment...all the big furniture was given to us, and I've only bought a few decorations and kitchen things that are mine. 

I owe thousands of dollars of debt due to two pieces of paper that say Bachelors of Science and Master of Arts. And oops...those pieces of paper are buried in that mess of my bedroom and probably covered with dust bunnies and red hair.

It gets bigger than this, and I'm saying all of this not to complain or to make you feel bad for me. I say this because I don't ever want to fall into the trap of putting on a front. I want people to know that without the grace of God in my life every day, and without realizing it every day, I would literally be a heap of tears just melting away on the floor. And some days that's a reality.

So what do I really struggle with as a single girl living in a foreign country, attempting to serve God? None of you want to read a list that long, so I'll only name a few things :)

I went through a tough spell a couple months ago where I felt unneeded and unloved. A couple specific mornings I could barely crawl out of bed, and when I did I spent the rest of the day crying and canceling anything I was supposed to do that day. God pulled me out of that tough spot, but I have no doubt I could have another smidge of depressing moments. 

I struggle with singleness. Of my seven greatest high school friends, they each, in birth order, started dating guys and are either married to them or in a serious relationship with them. And me? I was skipped over in that birth order thing.  I'm 26, and I've witnessed a lot of my good friends fall in love and marry great people. sometimes i feel like God will never answer this prayer. and when i'm not seeking his face daily (hourly), i can begin to idolize my future and ignore my present.

my lifelong struggle has been seeking God. he calls us to give our bodies as a living and holy sacrifice which is acceptable and pleasing to God. that's not an easy thing to do for a self-reliant human. this was a struggle in high school, it was a struggle in college, and it remains a struggle now. it's easy to live life without God, but that doesn't satisfy my soul. i've gone through times of shouting out to God, repeatedly asking him to satisfy me, and to help me to be pleasing to him.

these are my realities, my tragedies, my things that keep me from God and boldly proclaiming his name. and yet these are the things that allow me to see his grace. 

quick trips to vienna and prague

something to be in prayer for...i had to make a quick trip to vienna (and i mean quick...a total of ten hours on the train and six in vienna) where i had to interview for a new visa. i had a couple hours to walk around and enjoy the beautiful spring in a beautiful city.

czech embassy open hours: monday-friday from 8:30 - 10:30. seriously?

then i jumped on a train and headed to prague where i hung out with some wonderful friends, met some swedish people, and went paddle boating on the vltava river in full view of the castle. enjoy these pictures of europe :)

some seriously crazy girls.

here's a little insight into what we do at Bible study...
i seriously love these girls. a lot a lot.

Vienna/Budapest

Tessa's mom and sister flew into Vienna last Thursday, and we spent some time traveling through Europe to see Vienna and Budapest. here are some highlights...sorry about the random order!

scarf shopping at the famous naschmarkt market in vienna

beautiful church in Vienna

St. Stephen's Cathedral

oh my gosh! a phone booth!

Belvedere Palace. breathtaking.

Hungary's old metro line!

from our hostel in Budapest

Heroes Square, Busapest

the only ones on the metro!

after finally finding a place to eat

Budapest is beautiful!

there's a church carved into that cave. we walked in as they were having mass.