why the heck am i here?

in every season of life, i ask myself what the heck i am doing and what my purpose is. as i've been writing back and forth with a friend, i realized that i could be doing what i'm doing here in america. so WHY THE HECK AM I HERE?
something to think on, i suppose.
here are some pictures!
top: chumbley residence! where i'm living in prague 3.
middle: 4 of the chumbley children.
bottom: view from a castle that my friend greg took me to this past weekend.

God of Prague

You're the God of this City
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are

You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless
You are

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater thing have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here

There is no one like our god
There is no one like our God

Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here

boring, no picture entry.

i don't feel very motivated or impassioned to write a blog entry right now, i suppose because this time in czech is way different than other times.
i arrived here tuesday morning after a short layover in zurich; my first experience in switzerland. the people were grand. i sat on the plane next to a man who spoke british english with an accent who i found immigrated to switzerland from czech in 1965 when the russians invaded. i told him a little about what i would be doing in prague and then my sleeping pill took affect and i was out for the rest of the flight, though this time i don't think i found myself in any embarrassing sleeping positions.
i wrote in my journal later on that this was the first time i flew into czech without emotion. that may have been because i was asleep (the short flight from zurich to prague was almost empty so i took up residence in a whole row and groggily refused beverages and snacks), but i think it was mostly because i didn't know what was waiting for me outside of the exit of the airport. literally. i didn't know who would be there, and i wasn't sure what this school would be like, who i would be staying with, what i would be doing, what i would have time for.
as it was, my co-op, kate, and her husband, garrett, greeted me with a hug and took me to the Chumbley residence. Terry Chumbley is a teacher at my school, and he and his wife Robin have six kids. i asked to stay with a family, and a family is what i got!
i took off for pardubice a couple hours later. disappointingly the train didn't have opening windows that i could stick my head out of, so i ended up falling asleep and awaking several times to my head nodding forward and mouth wide open. i met up with helena, vera, david, and vitek. we ate at a place called the Garaž and then walked around. david took me to a missionary couple's home to stay overnight, and i spent the following day listening to harrel and eileen's stories. they're a great older couple; both are retired and over 70, and they moved to czech to teach english and use a hospitality ministry to reach out to people.
wednesday afternoon i caught a train back to prague and once again i didn't stand at the window. this is a big deal for me because i love standing by the windows on trains and feeling the rush of wind drying my eyes and making it hard to breathe; it makes me feel like i'm in czech or something. weird maybe, it's just a feeling of comfort. anyhoo i made it back here and thursday morning i started new teacher orientation at my school. it's been ok, though not everything has been completely applicable to me.
right now i feel the greatest challenge of being here is that i'm here but not with the people. there's a bit of a Little USA here, and so it's strange for my ministry here not to be to the czech people.

so prayer:
-i'm pretty nervous about teaching (which is still at least two weeks away before I would start) but pray that my nerves would be calmed.
-finding time to see all the groups i've worked with while i'm here
-finding ministry purpose?
-praise: i'm in czech.

pictures to come.

my playlist, as of right now.

Erin McCarley - Love Save the Empty
Dream - Priscilla Ahn
Panic Switch & Lazy Eye - Silversun Pickups
Shelter - Ray LaMontagne
Such Great Heights - Iron and Wine
The Man Who Lost His Soul- Until June
God of this City - Christ Tomlin
Strawberry Swing - Coldplay
John Mayer - Say
Believe - The Bravery
No One's Gonna Love You- Band of Horses
Use Somebody - KOL
Perfume - Sparks
Ain't No Rest for the Wicked - Cage the Elephant

Friday, May 29, 2009

I've had a couple days to reflect on my experience at AMY. I've read over the critiques that my kids wrote for me several times, I've talked to friends and family about my time there, and I've done a lot of thinking by myself. So here are some last thoughts.
-The seventh grade sections are all inclusive. This means that they are not separated according to ability, but the learning disabled are in a classroom with the exceptional learners. I was thinking about how this makes a difference in the classroom. During one of my lessons I had the students read silently. I saw some students really into the book, moving ahead at full speed. I saw some trying to read but disinterested. I saw some who were pretending to read but doing something else whether staring off into space or drawing a picture. And I saw some who didn't even pretend to read but just slept. So I'm trying to figure out how to reach each of the students at their different levels. I'm thinking specifically of one table. At this table is a girl who is probably the top of her class, a boy with a slight learning disability who is at a lower reading level, a smart girl who really cares about her grade, and a boy who doesn't care about school. The top-of-the-class girl and boy-who-doesn't-care can't stand each other; much of the class is spent with them throwing words back and forth. No one at this table is gaining from this set up, even though one of the theories about inclusion is that the exceptional learner will build up the disabled learner. Not always true, as exemplified by this table. And probably the best solution in this case would be to switch up this table, but the problem still remains: how do I make every lesson applicable to different types of learning?
-A lot of the kids wrote on my critiques that I need to be more strict. It's really interesting that they wrote this because though I thought that I was being strict, I do see situations in which I wasn't strict enough. I see how I need to be consistent and follow through on punishments - or even threaten punishment which I didn't always do. I feel like I gained rapport with a lot of the students, but I also understand that part of rapport, and especially with the city kids, means that they will still respect me (and maybe even more so) because I punish them.
-These kids need loving. One of my favorite little boys told me about how we watched someone being shot and choking on his own blood. He's 12. I don't want him to go down that same path, but the door for it is wide open. With my whole two weeks there I had several bad classes and several necks that I wanted to wring. These bad classes made me question my teaching ability and if I wanted to go back. But I realized during these two weeks that what they need is consistency and reliability. I want to still be there with them to offer it to them.

It's funny to think back to a couple weeks ago when I couldn't understand why I had signed up for urban practicum. It was a great experience, but I am honestly so glad it's done.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

What a horrible day it's been, though I honestly feel peaceful right now. I did many new things today, and experienced many new things as well. Here is a timeline of my day:
1. I arrived early with my counterpart, Kara as usual. We hung out in her teacher's classroom and talked with her and made photocopies as usual.
2. I made my way over to Ms. Greene's room, though she wasn't there, so I sat in Ms. Bael's room and talked with her for a while.
3. I took attendance for Ms. Greene's homeroom, and then we decided that for the points system we would make big charts and laminate them so we could just erase and write new numbers as need be. So I was able to go to the media center and blow up some behavior charts and laminate them.
4. Ms. Greene taught today so when I got back to class I observed her for the first time. I think I've inspired her to be more interactive. Her lesson was about friendship in Bridge to Terabithia. She did a reading about friends, asked students who they would take to a deserted island with them, had them discuss how to make a friend and how to keep a friend, played a memory game with best friends as partners (Romeo and Juliet, Lady and the Tramp), and then she read aloud the third chapter. I was really impressed, and the points system seemed to work decently.
5. Until we got to the second class. They couldn't seem to listen to anything, and they would not be controlled. Ms. Greene got very upset, and sometimes I think that students need to see the teacher angry - not that it really affected them. She ended up making them write a whole paragraph about a Russian proverb that said something like "tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are." She then had me sit down and read through them, giving them each a grade. I pulled a Mrs. Gleason and basically wrote a paragraph to each of them telling them how to improve.
6. Then was lunch. There were a couple kids who had lunch detention, so I went down and got them. Then Ms. Greene was called down to pick up her class because something had happened. So I sat in the classroom with the students for a long time wondering what had happened, and finally a bunch of girls come in crying. Here a boy in their class had been arrested and taken away in front of all of them which really upset the girls. I'm not sure what happened, but he hit someone and as the security guard tried to restrain him he kept resisting and hitting people. So I know that he should have controlled his actions, but it sounds like a lot of it didn't have to happen - apparently he was provoked to hit this person, and then no one listened to him but instead just arrested him. All in front of the students. As if they don't see enough of that on the streets, their classmate and friend was taken away in handcuffs and paraded for all to see. I do not think the situation was handled well.
7. So I took these girls who were in hysterics into an empty classroom and I had no idea what to do, so I just sat there with them. Eventually the social worker came in and they all started talking at once, some yelling at each other and blaming it on one another.
8. So Ms. Greene and I improvised, and some of the girls asked her to read "A Tell-Tale Heart"
which she did extremely well. Almost as soon as we were done it was time for them to go.
9. I gave some of my classes the chance to "critique" me, and I had them write down some things I had done well and some things I should work on. I found that I really can't take these personally. Some of them were great, and about 5 of them didn't like me. Honestly, I have to take these with a grain of salt. I feel like two weeks wasn't enough, but I feel like today makes me never want to go back to teaching.
10. All in all, today drained me. The students' emotions and lack of respect really got me down. I know that I can't base my whole experience on one day, but I was hoping to end on a more positive note. I really love these children, but I feel like they just don't care. And how can I help students who don't care?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Today I was able to finish the lesson I had planned yesterday. Yesterday I began the book, and today we read chapter 2. I tried to think of something interactive for them to do or get them up and moving - they loved the visual of the bridge yesterday because it involved something other than sitting. Ms Greene and I also decided today to change the seating arrangement, and so we made six groups of four. For the most part they worked, although we had a couple tables that wouldn't stop complaining about who they were sitting with. I explained to those individuals that they needed to learn the life skill of interaction and communication, and that they wouldn't always be with people they liked. I let them know that I was going to be firm and wouldn't let them move; I told them that they must be civil. So as I assigned each of the groups a character to review from chapter one, I had a couple tables that would not talk to each other. That was frustrating and I didn't know exactly how to handle it. On the other hand there was some really great interactive group work which was very encouraging. I had a representative from each table tell the rest of the class about their character, and that was how we reviewed from chapter 1.
Ms Greene and I also began a points system where each table begins with 10 points, and we take away and add points as need be. I don't know how much they really care about it, but it's nice to be able to reward them for good behavior as well.
My lesson went on as I read chapter 2 to them and interacted with the text, asking questions and explaining things to them that they wouldn't understand because it's kind of a different culture; for example, I explained canning, milking a cow, and what a rooster is.
So I taught the lesson three times, and the third time was awful. The class was actually usually the best one, but they came from lunch, and I just got so tired at lunch time and started feeling sick. During the first two classes I walked around reading, and during the last class I had to sit down, and I found that I became ticked off more easily which wasn't good.
This afternoon Mayor Nutter spoke to us, and though I appreciate him coming I wasn't extremely impressed. Not that I'll get into politics, but I didn't think it was appropriate for him to arrive 30 minutes late to what is supposed to be a professional seminar (though who I am to say it was professional when there was a mouse running around?) to speak to up and coming professional teachers. I do appreciate that he didn't give a political speech to us though. The Q & A wasn't as good as I wished it would have been; I didn't ask any questions, but I think that many of the questions he was asked didn't really pertain to him, many of the questions were about state or federal operations that he had no say in. It was good of him to come, however.